Hi! How are you?
The best answers one can get is only if one is to ask oneself that question.
Many times we get to be asked that phrase “HOW ARE YOU?” by family, friends and all sorts and with each passing day our responses seems to be a standard answer void of true personal evaluations.
Either we feel there is no need telling a problem to a listener who can’t solve it or we fear to be judged.
Humans seek control in the littlest way possible, having to share one’s personal life with another takes us steps backward in having total control over own our personal space.
So what then is the right question to be asked? What is the right answer to give?
The thing is life throws issues at us in certain degrees; some high and some low.
Sharing problems doesn’t necessarily proffer a solution but sharing problems with ‘A COMPASSIONATE INDIVIDUAL’ goes a long way to make us feel less alone and two steps closer to a solution. I am sure you have noticed that.
It is important that we mind who we tell our problems to because some people can proffer more problems to your problem.
Now we come to notice that it isn’t about the right question to ask but rather how to ask the question rightly.
Look inwards at your life and reflect on the kind of person you are.
Let me break it down here, Are you what people call a ringtone? can you be trusted? Or Are you too self righteous? always judging others? Are you the kind of person you would want to share your problems with?.
You see when a farmer plants a bean crop on a sandy and loamy soil respectively, he tends to know what to expect due to the features of both soil.
In that same vein people want to know what to expect to a certain degree when they let out their problems to you and the personality you have presented will always stare in their faces and if they still don’t understand your true nature, trusting you enough to truly answer the question “how are you?” Would never happen.
If you truly want to be there for someone, then you have to present yourself presentable to him/her.
Then if such a question is asked, what could be the right answer to give?
Should it be a reply seasoned and garnished with lies like “I am fine” when deep down you are not?, No it shouldn’t be. rather when you find someone who truly cares then let it all out.
It’s too lonely in there to continue holding out.
Why drown in your problems when we can both help each other?.
Take for example a little boy putting on a white shorts then he sneaks out to go play with his friends and on his way back, he falls on a bad, dirty and muddy road.
So my little friend fearful of what his parents would do to him, sneaks back home and go hide his shorts under his bed.
Two weeks later, his mum discovers the shorts.
When do you think it would have been easier to wash?
Do I hear you say my problem is not some dirty white shorts? yeah of cause.
But you holding out on sharing them only makes it swallow you up the more and makes it more difficult to deal with like my little friend’s dirty white shorts.
Saying it out is no miracle bringer, the problem may remain unsolved but what matters is the constant reminder that we are not alone because we have trustworthy and supportive family and friends and even if they can’t truly understand our pain, they will never let go and will always be there to brighten our day in their own little ways because they know what truly disturbs us and as such know in what manner to relate with us.
Remember To every problem there is a set of defined solutions.
It may not be what you want but when such solutions come to surface it is left for you to choose the best fit.
The task of climbing a mountain presents itself as a problem in need of a solution, but do not be fooled with such problems because the view from the top of the mountain and the foot of the mountain respectively are never equal.
Every problem is a stepping stone onto a higher land.
Problems are meant to be overcome
So my friend I ask again “HOW ARE YOU?”
And this time I expect to hear a bit of optimism, I expect to hear “I am not really fine but I will be soon”
Don’t let life struggles and challenges weigh you down because at the end of every tunnel, there is light.
So smile, live and feel alive
Stay woke, stay focused, stay motivated!